Reality Sinking In Today

I just had the realization that the clock is ticking. Tomorrow when I weight in and take my measurements that will be it. That will be the fattest I have ever been. I will not be able to take that away from my reality. It will always be on record. I know that I am fat but this will be someone else telling me it as well.



Tomorrow starts a contest here in Kitsap County for the T.O.P.S group I am a part of. What's T.O.P.S you ask its Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. It’s a support network where people who also want to get healthy meet and talk about different things to help us get to our goals.



We have people who have lost all of the weight and still come as support to Keep Off Pounds Sensibly or K.O.P.S as they are called. They had the courage and motivation to reach the goals they set for themselves. It’s not like going in and the "counselor" at some of the weight loss places says oohh this chart says your body weight should be 132lbs. If you put me at 132lbs I am going to fall over. My breasts are too damn big for that.



Where do I want to be at my "IDEAL" weight well right now my first goal is 168LBS let’s get out of the 200's and back down to the 1 digits in front of my weight instead of a 2. I would be happy then. And hey I would have to buy new clothes. That’s not so bad.



If I need new clothes maybe my husband would nominate me for what not to wear HAHAHA I know I don't ability to dress myself and look good that’s what the people at the stores are for they get paid to help me find outfits.



Ok off of clothes subject.



I have not decided how often I am going to photograph myself I was thinking every day but hey reality set in. I don’t need to do this EVERYDAY how about every two days. Then I will still have a "flip book" you know those little cartoony things we look at and flip through hence the name flip book. Well I want to see one of me from fat to less fat....AND then I can reverse it and see myself less fat back to fat. That should be enough motivation to not want to be back here.



Ok back on clothes and when I do start falling out of my fat clothes I am going to take them and donate them. I am not going to keep them in the house because then it gives me the excuse of IF I NEED THEM AGAIN................................I DON'T EVER WANT TO NEED THEM AGAIN SO WHY KEEP THEM AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Why the fuck do women think that way Oh here are my skinny clothes I might fit into them one day....look girls if you do fit into it why would you wear it this would probably not be in style anymore anyways. AND buying new "skinny' clothes just feels good.



I know my man wouldn’t mind if I spent 200 bucks on a couple new outfits if they were sexy and made me look and feel good.



Ok those are the thoughts going through my head today.



I am off to clean out my closet of anything that is too big or out dated today so I don’t have a mind set of what if I am that size I might need it.