6 Official Pounds

This is amazing 6 pounds of FAT GONE. Forever. I cant contain myself. I am so excited about it.
Tomorrow starts my new job and then things are going to get moving off my body even more movement through out the day.

Ok its my bedtime early wake up for the first time in a really long time.

I thank you for reading and keeping up with my progress. Photograph time TOMORRW!!!!

TOPS Contest

Todays the Day Contest is one of the new contests in January....We are all working on goals and this is a great one...


Here are the rules and this is what needs to be done each day by the 31st in no paticular order. I will mark done next to those I have already completed.

1. take a half-mile walk
2. Call a Tops Friend
3. email a tops friend DONE
4. no deserts today DONE
5. no between-meal snacks DONE
6. drink plenty of water DONE
7. send a card to a TOPS friend
8. take a one mile walk
9. bring a low-calorie recipe to your chapter meeting DONE
10. no TV today - start a hobby instead
11. bring a contest idea to your chapter meeting DONE
12. do a TOPS program DONE
13. eat three balanced meals DONE
14. no faast foods today
15. bring an article on diet or healthy to your chapter meeting
16. include a salad for lunch or dinner
17. do 20 minutes of exercise DONE
18. journal your food record for 5+ days out of the week
19. plan your menu for the next day
20. try a new lo-calorie food
21. obtain a before picture of yourself and post it on the fridge DONE HATE LOOKING AT IT
22. think of a fundraiser for your chapter DONE
23. take an hour walk DONE
24. no sodas today - diet or regular
25. write a four line TOPS poem
26. eat only three mals no snacks!
27. eat two fruits DONE
28. take the steps no elevators
29. no hulu today DONE
30. remember to drink 10 glasses of water today
31. have a good month have fun relax but stick to your program DONE

40 Blocks

We walked 40 blocks yesterday. I couldn't believe it. We did it we walked 40 blocks and 20 of that was up hill. I am so impressed with myself and my husband. I think its an amazing thing to know that we can do what we set our minds to.

So lets go back about 2 months ago. I know that if I had said sweetie lets goto Pike Place Market via ferry and then walk 20 blocks in one direction up hill all the way would you do it. He would have said NO and we would have driven around to Seattle and then driven to the store I wanted to goto. Then eatten at the same resturant and had the same calorie intake without the output.

So what we did was I decided t ogoto Seattle and walk the 20 blocks to the store thats 1.2 miles in each direction. Thats 40 blocks thats way to many footsteps to count. Thats 3 maybe 4 stops along the way because we ARE fat. Thats one well earned dinner.


Thats what we did yesterday. So dinner was amazing. We had an apatizer artichoke spinach dip with bread, I had fish and chips. and we split pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. Ok so lots of calories but we didnt have those calories during the week as well. And we didnt have those calories without exercise, what we did have was one amazing meal and one great workout.

What I didnt get was any weight loss yesterday. BUT I did not gain any weight yesterday eighter. I saw 4 lbs gain lastnight before bed then i was pissed all that and 4lb weight gain but I got up this morning and had 0 weight gain from yesterday. So what I weighed yesterday mornign I weigh that this morning. AMAZING.

I am so proud of myself. I have a new job and a new outlook on life and a new grandchild all in one week. This is an amazing feeling. I am so proud of myself did I say that already.



Oh yeah and as my husband pointed out last night We did all of that and I did it in pearls I wore my peral necklace yesterday. So yes in pearls I walked 40 blocks.

I AM PROUD OF MYSELF TODAY!!!!

Tired Just Plain Tired

I think I have mentioned life altering events. Well they are not something that can be just over. I thought they could but hey what do I know. I have been in and out of a dazed state since I found out. I am not going to let it get me down tough. I have lost 6.8 lbs so far. I am excited about life. I got onto the elliptical last night too.

Why is it when we hear things that are bad we want to pick up and run away with the biggest box of bonbons we can find. I dont understand that. I am doing so good that I have not done it. My WORST offence so far was 100 callories of marshmallows. not so bad on the scale of evil foods in the house.

So I can do this I can really do this. I am going to do this.


Thanks oohh did I mention 6.8 lbs LOST I am amazed at my progress. if I keep it up I will reach my goals.

Back On Track

I am adjusting to the news that I was given that got me off of track. I have to deal with it because there are no do overs in life. So Lets see lunch today I had veggies with Mrs. Dash on them yummie. I didnt know that Mrs. Dash used so much pepper for flavoring.

I am not back onto the elliptical becuase my state of shock and the haszed over look I have might cause injury. So tomorrow my husband and I will be back at it full swing.

Dinner tonight was baked chicken with bad cauliflower.

Oh I wanted to crash and burn and give up but I decided to try out the skinny cows frozen treats for a 100 calorie fill the urge to get crazy with chocolate. It worked

Even worse day

I found out today some news that just put me into a slump for the day. No exercise and not a good day for eatting choices. I am back on track tomorrow as the shock wares off.......stay tuned I am not giving up that easily.

By the way I ate unhealthy today and then got sick from it within 20 minutes thats not good feeling. I know what casued my sick feeling and now how to change that.

Not A Good Day

So today I didn't do so well. I didn’t get my exercise in because I put it off till too late. I feel like crap because of that so I am off to be as I am falling asleep. Consolation prize I did eat very healthy today. I am going to get up in the morning and do today’s 20 minute walk. Then tomorrow night when my husband gets home I am going to do the 40 minutes with him.



That’s it today. I just don’t have it in me.....

The Defining Moment

In everyone’s lives there are defining moments that make them who they are today. Some are what make them doctors, lawyers and even politicians. Well I had one of those defining moments today. I wasn't about my career choices in life it was about my health. It was about not wanting to DIE like my mother did. I was about my health of where I was 10 years ago pregnant and pretty healthy with my son Hayden, running after little ones and not having much of a problem with that even in the end of my pregnancy I was still active and vibrant. Well today the moment hit me where my chest started to pound and my body started to go into preservation mode. I mean this in all honesty of that moment. I thought I could have been having a heart attack. All I knew is the pain in my chest throbbing pain in my chest.



I was walking just walking with my husband and we were doing the first day of our routine and it was amazingly hard. It took 10 minutes to get out of the apartment complex and to the corner it’s not that far away to the corner. So 20 minutes to walk from the bottom of the steps to the corner and back. 6 minutes to get out of the complex and 4 to get to the corner. I knew at the top of the apartment complex driveway I was in the worst shape of my life. NOW here is the defining moment. I could have finished right there copped out and said I needed to go home that I was still recovering from being sick and on my period. But I didn't I hurt my chest had a sharp pain radiating through it and yet I kept going that next 4 minutes.



I walked to the corner and back home then up to the third floor and I am alive to tell the tale. I knew that I was in this for the long haul that I can't become a mother to another child in this condition. I am to fat and to out of shape and going to be to dead if I don’t do this for me NOW TODAY. Tomorrow tomorrow it's only a day away........tomorrow tomorrow it never seems to come my way. NO MORE TOMORROW just a lot of TODAYs and RIGHT NOWs. Get off my fat ass and get on the elliptical. Get off my butt and go take Chloe for a walk. Get off my rear and clean the bathroom floor not with a mop but on my hands and knees because its good exercise. Get off my ass is all I need to worry about right now. Get up and do something be it working out every day or be it scrubbing the floor the "old fashioned" way or taking my dog for a long walk.....til she tries to rip my arm off when she sees a cat.





This is the day. Today is the beginning of the not so near end. I want to be healthy I want to be that aunt that the family talks about living forever....you know the one I am talking about. The one you thought was going to die first of the siblings and is the last one standing and seems to be defying all reasons of life and gonna be around for another 20 years. I want to be her. I want to be here to see my grandkids graduate college.



I am not tired and I am not sore (yet) but I know when I am I will still need to do this for my health. For my LIFE.





Ok so enough of that tonight I cooked a meal that was good for me. I usually have chicken veggies and pasta and sauce and lots of butter. Well today it was chicken tossed into the oven at 375 degrees for30 minutes then I sautéed some Walla Walla sweet onion and finished off the chicken just to brown it a bit on the stove top with so little oil that I couldn’t see the grease on the pan. It normally is pouring all over the plate. It didn’t tonight. And then we had veggies FROZEN but hey better then canned. I put Mrs. Dash on them the garlic blend that was all it needed. I was satisfied and I had two apples for dessert. Yummy Jazz apple and an ambrosia apple.





Ok its 11:19pm I am off to relax before bed. Sweet dreams to everyone and healthy habits to me. And you too if you want them....Join me in my quest for a healthier lifestyle.

First Weight In......Horrible Outcome

I went to weigh in tonight and I think I wanted to pass out at the results. I am by the Official Scale for the Kitsap County Weight loss Challenge 273.5 WOW



Ok but to be fair I am not going to be weighing in on that each week. I am going to be using my Wii Fit Scale for the weight loss guide. This means what I see each morning when I weigh myself I will look at that scale and see the pounds MELT AWAY....Ok I know it’s not as easy as melting a pound of butter in the microwave so why do we use melt away the pounds in terminology. I don’t know pondering.....More like killing off the pounds.



My husband had a visit to the Hospital for a week due to PAIN and I say that in capital letters because I have only seen this pain level when he had kidney stones. I thought I was going to lose him from a heart attack or something because he couldn’t describe the pain.....Found out its muscle related and so his DR told him get an elliptical. We did we went out that next week and bought one. I had been getting on it every day for a few minutes....seconds and then getting off.... Can't I exercise via osmosis? Not going to work....SO I am going to win this challenge and besides there is money involved I want a few hundred dollars in my pocket. Give me my scrapbooking addiction money.



Well this elliptical sits there and not it has not collected any dust it gets used by him. But now it’s my turn. Besides my daily walks I need to get on that damned thing and ride till my legs catch fire. I did that tonight and at two minutes FIRE FIRE FIRE.....I must be blind to the fire because I could not see it and my husband would not put out the fire in my thighs I guess he likes seeing me burn....I lasted 5 minutes 5 whole minutes. I was so sure I was going to get on that damned thing and do an hour. HAHAHAHAHA what was I thinking. So, new game plan, 5 minutes at a time. Get off and rest 5 minutes get off and rest and via this method for the first few days I will work up to an hour. I will do 5 min intervals today to reach that hour and then tomorrow I will do it again and then day after that 10 minute intervals and then to twenty and so on until I can get on there for an hour and work at getting good at it.



Now as far as the marathon plan here it goes.....





First 6 Weeks I will be doing 6 days a week



I will start with the first week. This week I will be doing 48 minutes of exerciser 15 minutes of power moves and 25 minute walk at a moderate pace every other day and on the opposite day I will be doing 4 minute power pace walking with 2 minute moderate pace. Repeat til I get 20 minute workout.



Ok and WHY WHY WHY do they always show women and men who don’t need to do a damn thing for their bodies except maintain a healthy lifestyle showing weight loss videos and work outs in magazines.



AAARRRRGGGHHHHH that drives me insane.



Yes Skinny people of the world I know you need to work out to maintain but not the workout they are referring to in the magazine I am reading.



Fat People make a video show us how we CAN survive a 30 minute workout.



I am back to my elliptical for another 5 minute session.....I WILL SURVIVIE

Reality Sinking In Today

I just had the realization that the clock is ticking. Tomorrow when I weight in and take my measurements that will be it. That will be the fattest I have ever been. I will not be able to take that away from my reality. It will always be on record. I know that I am fat but this will be someone else telling me it as well.



Tomorrow starts a contest here in Kitsap County for the T.O.P.S group I am a part of. What's T.O.P.S you ask its Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. It’s a support network where people who also want to get healthy meet and talk about different things to help us get to our goals.



We have people who have lost all of the weight and still come as support to Keep Off Pounds Sensibly or K.O.P.S as they are called. They had the courage and motivation to reach the goals they set for themselves. It’s not like going in and the "counselor" at some of the weight loss places says oohh this chart says your body weight should be 132lbs. If you put me at 132lbs I am going to fall over. My breasts are too damn big for that.



Where do I want to be at my "IDEAL" weight well right now my first goal is 168LBS let’s get out of the 200's and back down to the 1 digits in front of my weight instead of a 2. I would be happy then. And hey I would have to buy new clothes. That’s not so bad.



If I need new clothes maybe my husband would nominate me for what not to wear HAHAHA I know I don't ability to dress myself and look good that’s what the people at the stores are for they get paid to help me find outfits.



Ok off of clothes subject.



I have not decided how often I am going to photograph myself I was thinking every day but hey reality set in. I don’t need to do this EVERYDAY how about every two days. Then I will still have a "flip book" you know those little cartoony things we look at and flip through hence the name flip book. Well I want to see one of me from fat to less fat....AND then I can reverse it and see myself less fat back to fat. That should be enough motivation to not want to be back here.



Ok back on clothes and when I do start falling out of my fat clothes I am going to take them and donate them. I am not going to keep them in the house because then it gives me the excuse of IF I NEED THEM AGAIN................................I DON'T EVER WANT TO NEED THEM AGAIN SO WHY KEEP THEM AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Why the fuck do women think that way Oh here are my skinny clothes I might fit into them one day....look girls if you do fit into it why would you wear it this would probably not be in style anymore anyways. AND buying new "skinny' clothes just feels good.



I know my man wouldn’t mind if I spent 200 bucks on a couple new outfits if they were sexy and made me look and feel good.



Ok those are the thoughts going through my head today.



I am off to clean out my closet of anything that is too big or out dated today so I don’t have a mind set of what if I am that size I might need it.

It's Not A Pretty Sight

Again what was I thinking? Why did I decide to make my journey so public? Why am I torturing myself? Answer is simple: What else is there to motivate me. What is it about torture that I like so much.........thinking......I DON'T LIKE TORTURE........But also I now have all of you to remind me of how fat I am and how I don't have to be this way it is a choice. It is a decission I have made. So beware that this is not pretty its just reality of where I am today.

I even have that double chin I said I would never have.

That is not a pretty site of my fat. the ripples in my side yuck.

This is not flattering those rolls of fat in my back.

The cottege cheese butt I never had before. Wow. I am fat.

So now that we have all seen my body as it truely is. I will have to say that this is disgusting. Its out of control. I don't want to die young but have you ever seen a really old fat person........I haven't.

Enough for today, I am off to enjoy the rest of my husband vacation. I will post my weight on Saturday right along with my measurements.

6 months training for a marathon, what was I thinking. I have so much fat to loose this could take a while. But hey 6 months from now I should beable to walk a marathon....I am young I am healthy still thank goodness. I don't have all of those things that happen to fat people. I just need to prevent them.

What have I done keeps running through my head.

I have the tripod set up and ready to go. I have my camera charged and an SD card in it. Now I just need the courage to get up and take a picture and really look at myself for the first time in a year.

What does that mean you ask? I may brush my teeth twice a day and brush my hair every morning and even on occasion put on a little bit of makeup, BUT that does not mean I have actually looked at myself in a mirror. Ever wonder how an anorexic can stare in the mirror and see a fat person staring back at them? Well it’s the same for a FAT person not really seeing how fat they are. They just don't take the time to LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!

That is what I am basically going to have to do every day look in the mirror and see who is staring back at me. I know my husband is ready to be the photographer but I need the courage to just get up and do it. I know that the tears of who I have become will start to flow but hey REALITY CHECK your fat you let yourself get fat and that’s what happens to people whose clothes grow in size they are getting FATTER. DEAL WITH IT OR FIX IT.

So I think I will just shut up and fix it. Off to the camera for a dose of reality.
I will post my first of many photographs soon but and let the world see what I have become.

Into my most embarrassing articles of clothing I go......

I am taking on the challenge

I am so tired of being fat. Of the looks I get from people walking down the street. I don't want to shop in the "FAT" stores any more. I want my life back. So what am I going to do about this you may ask. Well I am going to bust my ass working out and eating better. NO I am not taking the easy way out. I am not going to get surgery to fix my problem.

I got here with food and food is whats going to get me out of this body and into a new one. I know how to eat better. I know what I have to do. I just need to do it. So for the next 6 months give or take a month. I am going to start training for a Marathon.

I am going to photograph myself in all of my fat glory and post it for all the world to see. Each day I am going to get up and walk my dog around the complex and then walk my husband around the complex. Yes I sucked him into my plan to loose the fat.

I go into the fat stores and see clothes that are cute but I cant fit those because they only go up to size 12. I want to be a size 12 maybe 14. I would be happy. I am 35 years old and I don't have to be my daughters size 6. I just need to be happy with where I am at.

The time is now. Starting Saturday January 2, 2009 I will start my workouts. I will stick to them every day. And at the end of this journey I will enter a marathon. I don't know where I will place in it but I will not come in last that's what my husband will have to do. Hey I know my priorities and my limitations.

I have used my sons death to mask the truth about my weight gain. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. He died 10 years ago this April 1st times up using that as an excuse.

I know the tears will come. I know the hurt and burn will be there. But every day I will stand against the wall and let my husband photograph me and post it for all the world to see me as I really am. And at the end of this I hope to see a lot less of me in those photographs.

I will be putting my initial photograph up on Saturday as well as my weight and measurements.

See you then. More like you will see me then.